Thirty Mile Zone

I should first disclaim this post by saying that the idea I might be foreshadowing my own harm pains me. But, god forbid, in case anything happens, keinahora, you will have heard the truth behind it.

I work on a stretch of Sunset Boulevard (at Sunset Plaza on the strip) that is a nightmare for pedestrians. Every time I try to cross the street to get my salad (Chinese chicken salad, substitute soft tofu for chicken, light dressing) from Chin Chin, or go to the gym, or browse H&M at lunch, I take my life into my hands. There is a particular crosswalk that is marked as such, but has no light to indicate right of way, so motorists have to get a clue that they're supposed to stop when you are crossing the street because it's the freakin law. Instead, they whiz by you at light speed as you register terror in your eyes. Before walking ahead, I always try to make eye contact with drivers so that I can make sure they have seen me. Sometimes this works, but often when the mutual eye contact is made, drivers become more confident that I will stop, and hit the gas with that knowledge.

Now, this place where I work happens to be right next door to perennial paparazzi magnet Il Sole, and also next to Cravings and Le Petit Four and One Sunset, which are places where celebrities seem to like to eat when they are not on Robertson. So there seem to be a lot of cameras around here during most hours of the day.

A few months ago, while under agonizing deadline pressure, I had run across the street to feed the meter. On the way back to the office, no drivers would stop for me, and I felt like Frogger—either about to be squished, or if not then at least helpless and pathetic. The eye contact trick was not working. Finally, I lost what was left of my composure and started hollering expletive-laden gems into traffic. "It's a freakin crosswalk, you freakin @#$%*&s, that means you're supposed to freakin stop, you freakin @#$%*&s!" Only I did not say freakin or @#$%*&.

Come to see when I turn around that there are at least three cameras trained on red-faced me in the middle of the street. Maybe it was a slow day for TMZ news and they were looking for some crazy-lady-ranting action to steam things up. Alas, my cameo never made the site, y'all, ding dang!